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Breaking News: The fourth horror book, "The Craving", has now been published on Amazon.

  JONATHAN PIDDUCK is a British humorous fantasy/humorous horror author.

 

His fantasy titles include:

  1) Slave-Girls and Amazons

  2) Cave-Trolls and Amazons

  3) The Halfshaft Games

 

  His horror titles include

  1) The Wedding Feast

  2) Tethered

  3) The Last of the Neanderthals

  4) The Craving

 

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND A FRIEND REQUEST TO HIS "JONATHAN PIDDUCK-WRITER" FACEBOOK PAGE TO BE MESSAGED WHEN "THE CRAVING" AND SUBSEQUENT TITLES ARE PUBLISHED.

THE CRAVING

Two female serial killers, the best of friends until Kate falls in love with one of their intended victims. But the stronger her feelings for him, the more her jealous friend wants him dead. And all the while, her craving for blood grows stronger, making it ever more difficult for her to keep him alive.


THE HALFSHAFT GAMES

The Games have commenced. A contest of strength, of courage, of the sheer will to survive, all for the amusement of the bloodthirsty masses at home. And only two people will make it out of the brooding forest alive.

As a brutal troll pursues a brace of dwarfs, and the Queen of the Amazons hunts down elves and witches, Halfshaft the befuddled wizard runs for his life. His only companion is Cherry, his self-obsessed, bikini-clad team-mate. Together, they attempt to survive against everything the Games can throw at them. And to resist the urge to throttle each other in the meantime.

Please note that this book contains humour which is unsuitable for children.

 

 

SLAVE-GIRLS AND AMAZONS

When the Hedral Watcher was in need of a warrior to defeat an all-powerful warlock, he knew that Thane - a lethal intergalactic mercenary - was just the man for the job. Unfortunately, he ended up with an amiable drunk, an inept wizard with an inferiority complex, and a blonde Amazon in a tiny squirrel-skin bikini.

As the omniscient being of the planet, the Hedral Watcher had a funny feeling that it would all end in tears unless Thane was able to vanquish the Warlock before his woefully inadequate substitutes stumbled upon their target. But the band of fearless Warlock hunters had other ideas. After all, how hard could it be defeat a one thousand year old shape-shifting Warlock and his army of battle-hardened troll-corpses?

This is the story of their trials and tribulations, as they romp through a Tolkienesque landscape peopled by the Weird and Wonderful, such as witches seeking men to ride for the donkey-derby; a psychotic forester with a skeletal wife and a sinister fascination in wood-work; a band of trolls on the lookout for virgins to sacrifice to celebrate Thursdays; and more skimpily dressed Amazons than you could shake a spear at.....

Laugh-out-loud fantasy, which first made the Top 10 in the Amazon.co.uk Contemporary Fantasy bestsellers rankings in June 2012.

 

 

 THE WEDDING FEAST

Philip awakes, naked and chained to the floor, in the ramshackle dwelling of a family of murderous inbreds. His only hope of rescue lies with Matilda, their hideously deformed and needy daughter, who lurks in the darkness in a bloodied wedding dress. But will the price she demands for his release be too high for either of them to pay? And will either her grotesque parents or his insanely jealous girlfriend allow them to make it to the altar alive?

This novel is a black comedy about unrequited love, the dilemma of choosing between a sexy but shallow blonde and a besotted troll, and the ordeals one man faces when his potential in-laws are Hell-bent on eating him.

TETHERED (the sequel to "The Wedding Feast").

"Tethered" is presently only available on "Amazon", but will be published on other sites later this year.

Abigail awakes, naked and vulnerable, in pitch darkness. Her wrists and ankles have been manacled to the floor. One by one, her brutal, troll-like captors come to visit her. Time is short. No-one else can rescue her. But can she save herself?

Elsewhere, three friends spring a young woman from her cage at an animal experimentation centre. Can they stay one step ahead of the government agent who is determined to recapture her, whatever the risk? And was it wise for them to leave her alone in a 1980's caravan whilst they went off for tea and biscuits with two distinctly dubious pensioners?

 

CAVE-TROLLS AND AMAZONS

 

Two armies square up across the Forest battlefield; trolls and wizards on the one side, witches and Amazons on the other. Both have their very own captive Watcher in tow for good measure. No-one realises that it has been pre-ordained that each and every one of them will die before the battle has run its course.

Only a handful of people stand between them and oblivion, but each of them has problems of their own.

Halfshaft, a failed wizard, is trapped in the Underworld, ensnared by an amorous blood-sucking succubus, with her jealous and insecure incubus-husband looking on.

Takina, a blonde Amazon in the tiniest of fur bikinis, has been abducted by trollesses and set to work at a desert sex-slave market. But she is not about to take this lying down.

Rod, whose dearest wish is to get back down the pub before last orders, has been co-opted on to a small but select band of witches' donkeys, at least until something better comes along.

"Cave-Trolls and Amazons" is a colourful and imaginative quest-fantasy romp, stuffed full with bawdy British humour. Sheer unbridled escapism from the author of "Slave-Girls and Amazons".

 THE LAST OF THE NEANDERTHALS

 

The third and final book in "The Wedding Feast" humorous horror series. (Also available elsewhere on Amazon as part of a 3 volume box-set, "The Wedding Feast Trilogy").

Matilda has spent the last ten years in the woods, foraging for anyone foolish enough to venture into the brooding trees. But her Family has finally summoned her home. Tired of hiding from the Outsiders in the darkness, they are fighting back, and have chosen as their battleground the pubs and sex-shops of the sea-side town of Margate.

With Georgia in pursuit, and frisky pensioners Maurice and Elsie following along behind as fast as their articifial hips will allow, Matilda takes to the battele-scarred streets of Thanet in a desperate attempt to save her people from extermination.

But, as usual, nothing goes quite according to plan....


 

THE WEDDING FEAST TRILOGY

 

All 3 books of the Wedding Feast Trilogy (The Wedding Feast/Tethered/The Last of the Neanderthals) have now been published as a boxset.